Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Top 10 ways to know that you're a pastor of multiple parishes.

10. When you coordinate your drive with a really good radio program. "I love listening to car talk on the drive up to Buffalo Center. However, I tend to arrive 4 hours early and if I use an analogy involving a blown transmission one more time in my homily, I'm afraid they're going to lynch me."
9. When you've developed the third possible way to get to a given town. "I used to go one way but it involves passing through too many towns. Then I found a back way but it involved driving part way on gravel. Now I go 10 miles out of the way to avoid gravel and towns that takes the same amount of time as the original route but seems quicker because I'm always in motion."
8. When you have to think for a second where you park at a particular parish. "I used to park by the church but now I park clear in the back of the parking lot so that no one can see my truck and decide to go to a different mass."
7. When you go to a high school volley ball game and realize you have parishioners on 5 of the 6 teams participating. "Nice spike Stephanie! But next time please don't hit Tiffany quite so hard in the face because she goes to Lake Mills and I need her to serve on Sunday!"
6. When you start to travel down the road and realize that you're heading for the wrong town. "Oh no! I'm going to Lake Mills Ministerial Association not Britt Ministerial Association. Now how do I get there from here?"
5. When you have to figure out a person's name by remembering which parish they're from. "Let me think, you're from St. Wenceslaus so you're name is probably Czech right? Are you a Trca?"
4. When you begin to associate days of the week by what parish you said mass in the day before. "It must be Thursday because I said mass in Britt last night. At least I think it was Britt."
3. When you start to worry that you've missed a meeting somewhere because you've stayed in the same town for two days. "My calendar says nothing but there has to be a pastoral council meeting somewhere!"
2. When you answer the phone and have to think for a second to remember which parish you are at. "Hello, St. Boniface, I mean St. James, I mean St. Patrick's...just a second I can't find a window"
1. When you turn to a kid at a high school basketball game and try to determine which parish he's from by the team he's cheering for. "Oh, you're a Cardinal. So you either go to St. Boniface or St. Wenceslaus, right? Is your last name Czech by any chance?"

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