I realized last night that I haven't posted in quite some time. I've been busy preparing and going to a conference at Notre Dame for campus ministers. I can't wait for Saturday when I will finally get to sleep in my own bed. Nonetheless, it's been good in many ways and a very rewarding experience to get to know so many people.
BUT, today is my four year anniversary. Four years as a priest...only 50 more until retirement. Just kidding. It's actually been an incredible four years. It's true that the worst day as a priest is better than the best day as a seminarian. It's even more true that each day I seem to feel more like a priest than the day before. At first, I couldn't believe I had actually made it. Then, a few months later, I would still catch myself thinking, "Gosh, you're actually a priest!" and feeling so unworthy. Lately, I've had times when I wish I could just take a little break, like not be a priest for this party or this conversation. That's strange, I know, but I usually realize that I'm really wishing I could go backwards in my relationship to God at the same time that I wish I didn't have to be a priest. Only in prayer do I sort out the feelings of temptation for sin from the ones that draw me deeper to God.
I pray for the priests that have left. I hope it's God's will in their lives and not their own wills getting in the way of God. I can't imagine ever being happy not as a priest...I can't imagine me being holy not as a priest. I understand what the theologians say when they say that ordination affects a person's being, not just what they do. I am a priest. I'm not perfect but it's who I am and the challenge that I must live up to every day for the rest of my life.
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