love God and love your neighbor

I begin my homily today on a very hopeful note. This morning, our church ordained a new priest, Fr. Brian Dellaert. In one of the most beautiful and moving ceremonies, Fr. Dellaert was blessed by the church through the imposition of the Archbishop’s hands and giving of the Holy Spirit. Fr. Dellaert beamed with love as he received three standing ovations throughout the ancient ritual. It was a profoundly beautiful end to what was, otherwise, a very difficult week.

At the beginning of this week, I was worried that our national media would, yet again, be reporting one of those frustrating stories; one that doesn’t really have an ending. When I heard about eleven-year-old Brennan Hawkins being lost, I feared that he would end up in the same category as Johnny Gosh and Eugene Walsh, two kids that were abducted here in Iowa in the eighties and never found. I was especially suspicious when they said that he was rappelling with someone else who left early to get to dinner. I kept asking myself how a boy could get lost in a Boy Scout camp and kept thinking that it probably would be a prime target for a sexual abuser. And I imagine we were all relieved when we heard that the little boy had been found two days later. I’m still a little confused as to how he got lost but it makes a great deal of sense how he stayed lost. After all, even I’ve talked in a homily to grade school children about how important it is to avoid strangers. I could imagine this scared little boy reverting to the core values his parents and teachers taught him: stay on the trail and don’t talk to strangers. Yet, these core values were the very things that almost got this boy killed. He may avoid being sexually abused or abducted but what good is that rule if it ends up killing the kid?

I think a similar tension is also present in our gospel today. On the one hand, Jesus says, “Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” And, a couple of sentences later, Jesus says, “Whoever receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet's reward, and whoever receives a righteous man because he is a righteous man will receive a righteous man's reward.” So, which one is it? Are we supposed to cut off our relationships to other people in order to inherit the kingdom of heaven or are we supposed to be hospitable and open our doors and hearts to other people in order to enter the kingdom of heaven? Are only secluded cloistered monks going to enter the kingdom of heaven or might the rest of us have a chance too?

I think one way of solving this is to talk about, in general, the way that a high school kid wants to date and the way that a college student dates. Now, I’m going to make a sweeping generalization with this comparison so please don’t apply this literally to your own children or grandchildren. Nonetheless, when I worked in High School, I noticed a lot of kids starting to date exclusively for the first time. In the process of starting to date, I noticed a lot of kids that defined their whole high school world around their boyfriend or girlfriend. Their other friends and family take a back seat to the beloved. After a couple of these exclusive relationships, I think kids realize that something is wrong. By the time they head off to college or a job, they realize that our world gets too small if we focus all our attention on one other person. We need to allow others into our relationships in order for them to succeed.

I think this is what Jesus is warning us about in the gospel. If we are so closely connected to our family that we leave out God or God’s people than we have missed the point of what it means to be a follower of Christ. We need to keep nurturing our primary relationship to God and his church even as we are good members of our individual families. And it is important that we teach our children this lesson as well. We should involve our children in conversations with other adults and be interested in our children’s friendships by getting to know their friends. Let them know that an unhealthy relationship is one that excludes other people. Yet, I believe this applies to our parish families as well. We cannot become so comfortable with this building or these people that we lose track of the larger church. Rather than being afraid of strangers, we need to reach out to them in love because, on the cross, Christ reached out to us in love and promised to take us with him into everlasting life. Part of taking up our crosses means extending our relationships outside of what is comfortable in order to show love to a stranger.