21OTB Don't just be subordinate, love one another like Christ.

Friends

Peace be with you. 

One of the hardest weddings I ever did happened in a previous assignment and is something I will always regret doing. I have never refused to perform a marriage. Sometimes, if one of the people need an annulment and I have to tell couples “not yet”, they decide there are easier solutions than getting married in the Catholic Church. Still, this was a different scenario. All throughout the preparation, there was something off about the couple. They needed a different sponsor couple than our normal ones for him to feel comfortable talking with any of them. It had to be someone he already trusted and knew. He answered almost all the marriage questions with unsure instead of agree or disagree, including whether he was almost always relaxed around his future spouse. They both always had excuses but they tended to be pretty flimsy ones. He’s shy. He doesn’t trust people. He doesn’t trust people because his parents were bad role models. It took until after the wedding for things to become clear for me what was happening. The groom was isolating the bride from all her friends, even moving her to a whole new town far away from everyone she knew. He was driving everyone who cared for her away, including me after the wedding. He would pick a fight with one of her friends and then go and tell her that they were mean to him and she shouldn’t talk to them anymore. And, wanting to make the marriage work and find a way to fix him, she always did it. I tried to contact her after the marriage but she blocked me on her phone and all social media and we still talked to each other since sadly. 

Still, I think of her on this weekend when we hear Ephesians 5:21-32, “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church”. For some people, that’s all they hear when they hear this reading. And there is many a preacher who is willing to stand up and say that St. Paul clearly meant that the man runs the show in a family, that he is in charge and the woman and any children they may have have to listen to him. However, be very careful if you decide to accept that interpretation because, when preachers interpret St. Paul that way, they are missing his entire point. 

Let’s look, first, at how St. Paul starts the passage. He says to everyone “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.” This should be a clue that St. Paul is doing something different here. It’s mutual subordination that he is seeking, not a one-sided subordination. To demonstrate this, he writes the two verses I quoted before about wives being subordinate to husbands, which was a common belief in the middle-eastern culture of his time. But what he says next is shocking because he also imposes demands upon the husbands. “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her…” He repeats over and over again that husbands should love their wives. I think we may be tempted to say the poor wife who is called to be subordinate gets the raw end of the deal and that definitely is true if we don’t understand what Paul means by love. Love isn’t just a warm feeling for St. Paul. Love is an act of the will that commits you to a certain life. And what life are husbands committing to? To die to your self and all your selfish desires and everything aside from focusing on what is best for your wife. You see, we don’t hear it this way but dying to your self should be harder than being subordinate. It’s supposed to sound more difficult but, as I say, because we tend to think of love as a touchy feely emotion instead of as a commitment to put the other person’s needs and wants before our own, to put their well being, their livelihood, their everything before our own, we distort what St. Paul says and, instead, justify seeing the man as being the head of the household, the one that makes all the decisions when, in fact, husband and wife are meant to be equals, each subordinate to the other. 

Now, I know some of you may protest that, if there is no singular person who is in charge, that means the couple is essentially a ship without a pilot. First, it doesn’t mean that there can’t be division of labor. A husband may look at his wife and realize she’s a better cook or cares more about cleanliness or is better at maintaining their vehicle than he is and they may decide those are areas she is better in charge of. And a wife may look at her husband and realize he’s better at dealing with lawncare or better at organizing the family finances or better at cooking than she is and the two may decide that those are going to be his gifts. Those kinds of decisions are good to decide early into the relationship and also good to communicate about while the relationship goes on and changes with time. But, also, if there are children that come about as part of the union, it’s even more important for the kids that the parents be in charge of the kids while subordinate to each other. Parents who are not on the same page when it comes to discipline or education or religious involvement or even involvement in sports will not only frustrate themselves but make their children miserable. When parents support each other in their decisions, they will at least have one other person telling them they’re sane despite possible protests from the children and it’s good for the kids to see a model of healthy adult relationships.

I hope you can hear how this passage, Ephesians 5:21-32, not only shouldn’t be a justification for spousal abuse but should be one of the main arguments about how Christians can’t tolerate it. If you are in an abusive relationship, I hope you are getting the help you need. Please, when you are safe, contact Catholic Charities for help or, if it’s really bad, call the police. And, if you are an abuser, whether it’s verbal or physical in nature, please know that, by, justifying it because of these and similar passages, you are abusing God’s word for your own ends. Today is the day to recommit your life to the gospel. Get the help you need to die to yourself so you can rise with Christ. 

Assumption 2021: Mary’s power is from God not from her workout routine

 Friends

Peace be with you. 

Today we fill in an important part of the story of what happened after the death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus, namely, what happened to his mother. Now, in some ways, this may seem kind of insignificant and impossible given that we’re 2000 years away from all of it. There’s not much written in Sacred Scripture about what happened to Mary after pentecost. Granted, we also don’t hear much about the death of any of the Apostles, but that seems to be because that could distract us from seeing the apostles in the mission that Jesus gave them after his death, to be sent to spread the gospel to all nations. We do hear about the death of St. Stephen in the Acts of the Apostles, but that’s in part to show that witnessing to Jesus’ life may involve witnessing to his death and it’s part of the conversion of, arguably, the greatest apostle, St. Paul. Yet, I would argue, there’s a significant theological point being made by the early church in the fact that we never hear about the death of Mary either in Sacred Scripture or in the tradition. I know some would say that’s because, like the Apostle’s, the Sacred writers were laser focused on the death and resurrection of Jesus and didn’t want to do anything that could distract from that. But, I’d like to suggest there’s a more profound reason that we can hear in our first reading and gospel today that should color our understanding of who Mary was and is for us. 

In the first reading from the Book of Revelation, St. John is describing a vision he is receiving of the birth of a child. Like much of Sacred Scripture, its meaning is disputed among scholars with some saying the woman is Mary and others saying the woman is meant to collectively represent the Jewish people. Being Catholic, I tend to be able to say “both/and '' when others say “either/or”, so I can say that the woman is Israel and believe Mary is the fullness of their representatives. As a clue to this, the reading starts by saying that the temple will be opened and God’s people will see the Holy of Holies, the place where only the High Priest would go to offer the sacrifice and come face-to-face with the Most High God. That “place” is Mary. She is the holy of holies, the Sacred Tabernacle where the most high dwells. She is unique in this gift because she was called upon to be the Mother of God. So Mary, as the fullest representation of Israel, as the new ark of the covenant and the place where the most high dwells, is pictured in the first reading also as the embodiment of pagan goddesses. It says she is clothed like the sun with the moon under her feet and twelve stars in a crown. It’s like St. John is saying that everyone who believed the earth to be a goddess or the stars to be gods were confusing a revelation God was giving them for the true revelation God would give them through Mary in the person of Jesus Christ. Mary is both the fullest revelation of what it means to be part of the people of God, Israel, and brings the clouded, imperfect revelations God tried to make to the pagan world in their deities. This passage is why we no longer look with fear upon the theologies of indigeounous peoples, for instance, but, instead, see God revealing to them in an imperfect way the mystery he revealed fully in Jesus.

At this point, Mary, in her fullest representation of the role of Israel with the clothing of this pagan goddess, gives birth to a son, despite the presence of the evil one who sought to kill the son during delivery. Notice that there is pain in delivery, despite the fact that Mary is born without original sin and, therefore, should have been spared the pain of childbirth given to Eve after the fall. This is because Mary still lives in a world tainted by sin and the presence of the devil is there as a testament to this fact. Nonetheless, notice that, even though things appear their darkest as the devil is set to consume the child being born to this woman, God simply takes the child to heaven to rule at his right hand. The evil one may be able to condemn a third of the people, but he is utterly powerless to stop the salvation of God offered to us in Jesus Christ. 

Yet, the story doesn’t end there. It could have, but it doesn’t. It goes on to describe what happens to the woman in that she was taken to a place in the desert that was prepared for her by God. Now, this is again a double meaning because we know that, around the writing of the Book of Revelation, there was a persecution of both Jews and Christians happening in which they were being forced out of Jerusalem into the desert. Indeed, the Book of Revelation was written in a kind of coded language that only Christians, at the time, would understand because of a conflict with the Romans. The Christians were thrown out of Jerusalem with the Jews when the Jews tried to get rid of Roman rule between 66 and 73 AD. Later, they tried again, in 115-117 AD, which is when they believe this Book was written. They won’t be allowed back into Jerusalem after this time and, when they try to take back Jerusalem in 132 AD, the Jews will be permanently expelled until 1948, with the modern State of Israel. At the time of the writing of this book, Christians had been forced out of the city of Jerusalem and were living in the desert to be kept safe. However, Mary was not among them. So, then the woman of Revelation takes on a greater significance because, if this woman is both Mary and the Jewish people, there’s a double meaning in the final verse of our reading. The Christian people were provided a place by God in the desert and Mary, likewise, is provided a special place. As in the story of the Exodus, the desert is a place of testing but also finding favor with God. God provides for his people in the desert just as God has provided a safe place for Mary when he took her body and soul to be with himself. 

    That’s the significance of Mary’s song in the gospel. It’s not a braggadocious pop song like pretty much all modern music. It’s Mary recognizing and explaining the place God has provided for her. Mary’s sings “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my Savior for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant. From this day all generations will call me blessed: the Almighty has done great things for me and holy is his Name.” Mary’s name is blessed because God’s name is blessed. Mary rejoices because God has looked with favor upon her, not because she is so important or because she has worked so hard to accomplish so much. Mary rejoices because God has blessed her. Her name will be called great because of God. 

    I think one of the things that causes some people to fear the Catholic church’s reverence for Mary is because they fear she takes away from reverence for God. However, over and over again, and even in her Glorious Assumption, Mary gives all the glory to God for the good things that happen in her life. Indeed, today we celebrate God for letting Mary be the mother of his Son, Jesus, and inviting her to be assumed body and soul into heaven. Great things can happen to us too, like they happened for Mary, if we seek them from God and don’t just assume he doesn’t have the time for us or has more important things to focus on than our needs or our dreams. In fact, God has a dream for you, for your welfare not your woe. Ask God to reveal that dream to you and then ask him to help you know how he is going to bring it about. Then be prepared to say with Mary, “The almighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name!”