Friends
Peace be with you.
I had four internships in my years of seminary, three that took place in parishes in the Archdiocese of Dubuque and one at a hospital in Des Moines. I found them all to be times when I felt like I was being affirmed on my journey to priesthood. Yet, there were also times when I felt like I was being challenged and totally unworthy of being a priest. Most of the time, this happened at the end of my time when I would sit down with the director of seminarians and the internship director to reflect on my growing edges that need to be softened. A particularly hard evaluation took place at one of the parishes in which I didn’t get along well with the pastor and expected a very poor evaluation. Yet, when I opened up the form on which the pastor had written his evaluation, I was kind of shocked to read glowing reviews. He said things like “Dennis preaches well. Dennis sings well. People feel like they can talk to and relate to Dennis well.” He honestly even wrote “Dennis does all things well.” There wasn't a single negative comment on the sheet. I thought to myself, "I'm not perfect! This isn't right. Where's the negative feedback?" I felt cheated.
That was kind-of my reaction to today's gospel. We're used to criticism being heaved at Jesus from all sides. He gets criticism from the Pharisees, Sadducees, disciples, and crowds. It's very rare that people say, "He does all things well." What’s surprising is where he is when he gets these rave reviews. The area called the Decapolis incorporates, as the Greek name suggests, ten towns. Think “deca” as in decade, ten years, or decathlon, ten sporting events. And the last part, polis, is the Greek word for town, which is why Minneapolis, Indianapolis, and Annapolis end with it. The fact that the word derives from Greek tells you that these probably aren’t predominately Jewish towns in nature. Jesus grew up in Nazareth, which, from archaeology, we know had a large synagogue capable of fitting almost the whole town in it, so it was predominantly Jewish. When Jesus preached in that synagogue, he couldn’t heal anyone because of the hardness of their heart and they got so upset at him because of that, that they almost threw him off a cliff to kill him. Yet, now that he’s on a kind of sabbatical in this diverse town with Jews and Gentiles alike, he finds such tremendous faith that, right from the start, he heals a deaf man. Now this man will be able to hear him preach. He even tries to tell the people who are present for the healing not to speak about him but it says, the more he ordered them not to, the more they proclaimed it. They say, “He does all things well. He makes the deaf hear and the mute speak.” This is the evaluation he gets from strangers while his friends and family try to kill him.
At a recent conference, they talked about negative self-talk. That’s that inner monologue we have that says we’re not good enough. Garth Brooks described it as “a tape of my failures playing inside my head”, which I think is really good description. Negative self talk says we can’t do something even before we try usually because we tried before and failed. Negative self-talk says our heart is bad because we make mistakes. Negative self-talk says that person doesn't like me because I’m not likable or lovable. Negative self-talk hears about original sin and says we can never be free of it, that we can never walk as free children of God. Negative self-talk says God may care for people in general but He doesn’t care about me in particular. Negative self talk sees only the bad things that happen and says we deserve them. Negative self talk is a self-defeating prophecy. It’s a false sense of humility that, ultimately, stifles the spirit inviting us to throw into the deep or go places to spread the gospel because we aren’t worthy. But you are worthy, not because of how talented you are or because you do all things well but entirely because Jesus does all things well and wants to open your ears to hear his word and your mouth to proclaim his praise to the ends of the world.
How does negative self talk stop you from seeing Jesus do all things well for you and proclaiming that to the world?
