23 OT A: The way to get along is to talk over when we disagree

Friends

Peace be with you.

I am very conflict avoidant. If I realize I’m going to have to confront someone who I believe has wronged me, I seek any other path than to actually talk to the person about what has happened. First, I hope that the person will realize what they’ve done without me talking to them and will self correct. When I realize that’s probably not going to happen, I may talk to the person about other things in the hopes that they realize how nice of a guy I am and how mean they’ve been to me. When I realize the issue probably has nothing to do with me being a nice person, I keep the conversation going in the hopes that my grievance will just naturally come up. I’ve had to learn to be more direct if I really feel like there is a need for correction.

I think that’s why this gospel has always been so attractive to me. It spells out clearly how we are to go about confronting someone who has wronged us. What I’ve never done before is put it in context, which, I think, is important. Having listened to some Bible scholars, I think there’s a deeper meaning to this passage. I think it actually started a few weeks ago when Jesus and the disciples were at a place called Caesarea Phillippi. At that town, filled with temples to Greek gods and named after two Roman men, Caesar who declared himself a god, and Herod Phillip, who renamed the town in an attempt to curry favor with Caesar, Jesus essentially named St. Peter his vicar. This happened because Peter’s faith was so strong that he was the first to name Jesus as the messiah, the Son of God. Jesus gave Peter the keys to the kingdom and declared that whatever he bound on earth would be bound in heaven and vice versa.

Whenever there are these types of designations, there is also room for dissension, especially when the vicar Jesus chose was almost immediately reprimanded for trying to stop Jesus from saying that he would be killed by the Romans. The disciples had to see that Peter was not a great leader so they probably also started trying to figure out how to take his place. Jesus could see the discord developing so he immediately started talking about how personal sacrifice was going to be constitutive of being a disciple. We have to take up our cross to follow him.

There are a few other things that happened in chapter 17 where it seems like Jesus was trying to act like everything was normal but, eventually, at the beginning of Chapter 18, the disciples approached Jesus and asked who the greatest in the kingdom of heaven was. The answer should be obvious, Jesus is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. If they want to know, aside from him, who is the greatest, Jesus already appointed Peter as his vicar so, again, it should be obvious. When Jesus called over some random child and said that whoever humbles himself like a little child would be greatest in the kingdom of heaven, he wasn’t just saying that we should be sweet and kind like little children. Parents know that little kids aren’t always sweet and kind. They can be real jerks sometimes. But, as any parent also knows, even when they’re jerks you still love them because they’re your jerks.

It makes sense to me that, in most of chapter 19, Jesus had to give out practical advice on what to do when there are disagreements in the church because there were already disagreements among his followers. He was trying to recognize that dissension and disagreements in the church are different than anywhere else because we are meant to love each other the same way a parent loves his or her child. So, when your brother or sister sins against you, you approach them one-on-one and talk to them. Only if that doesn’t work do you bring one or two more members of the family to try and resolve the problem and eventually, the whole family that is the church.

Now I have to admit, if these scholars are correct, and I think they are, I’ve been wrong in my application of this passage in the past. Jesus says, if that doesn’t work, treat him like a Gentile or Tax collector. I used to think that meant to treat the person like an outsider, to ignore them and even shun them like they are public sinners. But remember that, St. Matthew was a tax collector and Jesus has been healing and eating with gentiles for the last several chapters. So the point isn’t that we can cut them off and ignore them like they are strangers. The point is that they need to be evangelized.

Being a Christian isn’t about living a life where everyone just gets along and there is no conflict. Instead, it’s about making mistakes and letting iron sharpen iron. In other words, it’s about helping each other grow in holiness by correction and being corrected. Sometimes that happens in the confessional by a type of self correction. But oftentimes it happens by allowing our fellow Christians to point out our weaknesses and mistakes and not getting dismissive, defensive, or afraid. St. John, in his first letter, said it best when he said, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.”



Have you ever been afraid to confront a fellow Christian? How can we let perfect love drive out that fear?