2EA Peace drives out fear

When I was a senior at Loras College in Dubuque, in order to graduate I had to take an oral comprehensive exam, meaning I had to meet with three professors and, for an hour, answer any and all possible questions they would want to ask about every philosophy class I had taken in the past year and I was supposed to be able to answer all their questions to their satisfaction even if I hadn’t taken the particular subject with that professor. It was an incredibly intimidating experience. I was scheduled to take my comprehensive exams on a Friday afternoon. The plan was to take the exams and go off to have a pint with some friends. I had been studying a great deal, especially two weeks prior to the test, preparing for this day since I knew that it was key to my graduating from college.

On the day of the test, I walked into the room that I thought the exam was to take only to find it dark and empty. I looked at my watch and realized I was about five minutes early so I thought to myself “Well, the professors must be in class and will be coming soon” I took out some note cards I had carried along, sat at a table, and began studying. After a few moments, I looked down at my watch and it was about five after. I thought, maybe I was wrong and the test was going to take in my advisor’s office. So I walked down to his office and knocked on the

door but no one was there. I began to fear that I had written down the wrong day or wrong time so I checked my day planner and it was right there in black ink. Still, I feared I had written down the wrong time or day or building. So I went to one of the other professors who was to administer the exam and knocked on it and there was, again, no response. Feeling more anxiety than ever, I went to the last professor’s door and again received no response. Finally, I looked on an old syllabus and found my advisor’s home telephone number. His wife answered and told me he was in Chicago for the day. I remember thanking her, hanging up the phone and feeling rage and fear. I was so angry that I just wanted to scream or throw my hands up because my professor had apparently forgotten all about my exam, which meant I was not going to earn my degree, which meant I wasn’t going to graduate on time, which meant I wouldn’t enter seminary in the Fall and wouldn’t become a priest and my whole world was coming to an end.

I wonder if these were some of the feelings Thomas was feeling between these two appearances of Jesus. Thomas was left out of the resurrection. We don't know why Thomas wasn’t in the room that evening when our Lord appeared. Maybe he was in the Temple at prayer, sheltering in place in his own locked room. We do know what his reaction was when the disciples came to him with this story that Jesus has appeared to them and said to them those words of comfort. Thomas felt betrayed. He must have felt afraid to, afraid that the Lord had risen and that he had missed it or fear that his friends were lying to him. He must have felt hurt at the possibility of being left out of something so important done by his close friend and confused at what was being said and amidst all of this pain Thomas makes the ultimate statement of disbelief “Unless I probe his hands and side I shall never believe.”

This is the power of fear. We’ve lived in a sea of fear ever since this pandemic started. We may be watching the news and hearing that it’s going to last eighteen months or two years and wondering how we’re going to survive staying at home that long. And then we hear other politicians who seem to think everything is going to go back to normal next week and we don’t know who to believe. If we look on social media, we may see people putting forth all kinds of theories about how it started and how you can prevent it and you just don’t know who to believe. If you have someone in your life who is sick, whether it’s of Covid 19 or some other illness, you may be afraid of how you can take care of them and support them. You may worry, especially if they’re a person susceptible to immune problems and breathing problems, about inadvertently giving them the virus. There is much fear out there right now.

Fear indeed has a lot of power and many emotions tied to it. Our challenge as Christians is to live in this fearful world while living in the hope of the resurrected Jesus Christ. It is a challenge that calls us to move from fear to forgiveness by faith in Jesus Christ. It is a call that liberates from living in fearful situations: situations like abuse, danger, hatred and other situations that cause fear. Our Lord calls you to be free of these situations to be able to live in that hope. When you are safe, there is a temptation to hold on to that anger and fear but our challenge as Christians is to lean how to forgive, learn how to let go. Because, hate, anger, fear, and all these kinds of emotions paralyze our lives if we become fixated on them. They make us focus on something instead of focusing on our relationship. They are especially damaging to our faith lives, the life in relationship to God.

Now, back to my story, I had thought my advisor was setting definite plans when he was, in fact, just setting forth a goal for me. When he returned, we made plans to set a definite date the following Friday and, thankfully, I passed the test, I graduated on time, went to seminary, and got ordained. And all that fear did nothing but complicate things. Today, let us hear God’s healing call that says, “Peace to you, whose sins you forgive are forgiven.” Let us who have been forgiven by God fall on our knees and say, “My Lord and My God”.